VICTORIA – After months of deliberation and strenuous debate, an expanse of winter leg hair located on the lower half of Hannah Angelopoulos has now been classified as old growth by the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization.
Hannah Angelopoulos, a marketing assistant from Prince George, let her leg hair grow out for the winter, a common occurrence for women with seasonal depression and cold legs. The exponential hair growth over this past winter was so notable that the United Nations got involved.
“We have never seen such an impressive example of natural growth,” said UNESCO representative Sandy DiCocina. “With the massive amounts of deforestation devastating our planet, these ancient strands deserve our protection.”
UNESCO found outstanding examples of biological diversity on Angelopoulos’s legs. The abundance of microflora and fauna among the follicles provided ample evidence of the importance of this region to the microbiome. Scientists say that the length and thickness of the strand are what have allowed this unique ecosystem to thrive and achieve Hairitage Certification.
Winter leg hair in particular has been proven to be more resilient due to having experienced freezing temperatures, tight leggings, and judgemental glances from boyfriends with more hair but not nearly as healthy and fruitful microbiomes.
“I have no plans to shave or wax,” Angelopoulos stated in a recent press conference. “It’s not like anyone’s gonna see them anytime soon! Amirite ladies???”
Although Angelopoulos is choosing to remain unshaved, the removal of leg hair has been on the rise recently. Methods of forcible removal such as shaving, waxing, and laser removal puts body hair in all regions at risk. If not handled and exfoliated properly, the clear cutting of these areas can promote ingrown hairs, razor burns, and hetero-patriarchal standards.
Despite UNESCO sanctions and protests from Angelopoulos, the government is still planning on removing the hair to make way for a pipeline.
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