WOLFVILLE, NS – The Canadian Teacher’s Association has revealed that the addition of cursive to the school curriculum was only meant as a way to “kill some time.”
“Honestly, we just sort of needed something to do between english and math,” said Mr. Nitsou, the teacher who presented the plan. “I was just sort of dodling on the board but then I forgot to take my hand off it and, boom, I started telling the class this was the lesson!”
Cursive was largely supported by the government as they calculated that, without the addition of slightly fancier handwriting, students would complete their schooling by the time they were twelve years old – too young to be able to legally work and provide benefit to the country.
“Once we realized we could just add stuff that didn’t really matter to the curriculum, things got a lot easier,” said the minister of education at the time. “We added learning ‘Hot Cross Buns’ on the recorder, showing a VHS of Charlie and The Chocolate Factory every week, and repeated field trips to Pioneer Village.”
“Eventually,” the minister added, “one of our more fucked-up teachers even pitched dissecting frogs and we just sort of rolled with it!”
Canadian universities reported they were happy to have cursive as part of primary and secondary learning so they could waste time on teaching students to never use it.
Recently the association has come under fire as parents have asked for them to revise the lesson plan to add more important things, like consent to sex education classes, or how to file taxes.
The association says that it is nearly impossible to edit lesson plans, especially when kids are so excited to be able to “visit Casa Loma so they can learn that there were rich people in the past.”
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