‘We’re Not Tearing Up The Constitution, We’re Untearing It,’ Say Dems While Ripping The Constitution Apart

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats have recently proposed the controversial idea of tearing the Constitution to pieces in the name of correcting the Constitution. By severing key components from the document they hope to repair the damage caused by Republicans. 

“Some people will say we’re tearing the Constitution. We’re not tearing. We’re untearing,” explained US Representative Jerold Nadler as he ripped the Constitution apart. “Senator McConnell and the Republicans were the ones who tore it up over the last couple of years. The only way to untear it is to tear it, which will then retroactively repair it from the tearing of the Republicans. Wait, hang on. I might have that backward. Well, you get the idea.”

Jerry Nadler and Nancy Pelosi then proceeded to rip large chunks from the founding document. “There that fixes it!” Pelosi said as she tore out the 2nd amendment entirely. “Now it’s been untorn from how Republicans have sliced it to pieces by making it say things it never was intended to say.”

“There can be no justification for what they did. How can Americans look at the Constitution and expect it to do equal justice when it has been so severely politically shredded?” added Nadler tossing the Constitution through a woodchipper. 

When Nadler and Pelosi were finished untearing the Constitution there was barely anything left. All that remained were two single scraps reading “War” and “Welfare.”