Police Ask Tesla To Drive In Straight Line, Recite Alphabet Backwards After Vehicle Crashes Into Tree

AUSTIN, TX—Flashing their sirens and directing the swerving, damaged Model 3 to pull over on the side of the road, police asked a white, 2019 Tesla to drive in a straight line and recite the alphabet backwards Tuesday after the vehicle crashed into a tree. “Well, well, well, it’s the middle of the day, and we’ve got a self-driving automated vehicle traveling well above the speed limit, swerving between lanes, and running red lights,” said the officer, who then got out of his squad car, walked up to the mid-size sedan, and asked it various questions about where it had been, where its driver was, and why it was going 80 mph in a 30 mph zone, only to receive no response. “Uh huh. Now, I’m going to hold up this pen and move it side to side, and I’m going to need you to follow it with your headlights. After that, I’m going to ask you to put yourself in drive, inch towards me, then stop, then move your left side mirror, and open your sunroof. And if you can’t do that? Looks like you’re coming downtown with me.” At press time, the officer was spotted shaking his head and releasing the Tesla from a tow truck after the car reportedly called the governor and threatened to raise hell.

The Onion