Jesus' Coming Back

Ontarians reminisce about other Ford brother whose bumbling incompetence didn’t kill anyone

TORONTO – As they reflected from their places of quarantine, Ontarians reminisced about the late Toronto mayor , whose tenure from 2010-2014 didn’t lead to the deaths of thousands.

Many longed for a simpler time when another Ford only mismanaged a city and whose powers were far more limited to municipal affairs instead of a health care system for over 14 million people during a global pandemic.

“God, things were so much easier back then,” reflected Craig Martin, an immunocompromised man who hasn’t left his apartment for a year. “The war on the car, the mayor flipping people off, his unwieldy press conferences…those didn’t lead to packed ICUs. I miss that man, I really do.”

The heady days of Rob Ford’s recklessness brought a smile to the faces of those who could remember, especially those not presently intubated due to .

“Rob was funny and sad, but Doug is just sad,” said Ashvin Singh, an essential worker who still doesn’t have sick days. “Even Jimmy Kimmel couldn’t make a joke about this mess.”

According to sources, Ontarians reported that they would think twice about electing a populist leader if they survive until 2022.

Beaverton

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