Jesus' Coming Back

šŸ”’ Zoom call with American friends now depressing in the other direction

Richmond, B.C. ā€“ A monthly call which previously consisted of Canadian man Jalen Montclair consoling his American friends now consists of his American friends consoling Jalen.

ā€œEver since the pandemic started Iā€™ve spent hours saying things like ā€˜Iā€™m sure you donā€™t have COVIDā€™ and ā€˜Trump canā€™t possibly kill everyoneā€™ā€ said Jalen. ā€œBut now theyā€™re all vaccinated and going to restaurants while Iā€™m still baking bread and asking if they want to play .ā€

ā€œLast week Tom couldnā€™t make it because his softball league had started back up. What the fuck?!ā€

Montclair is one of many Canadians feeling whiplash as they go from patronizingly comforting their American friends and family to feeling an even bigger sense of envy than they did the time got the McRib before us.

ā€œLast week my aunt from Nashville said she couldnā€™t understand how I could handle living in a place where the news is so grim all the time. Iā€™m supposed to be saying that to her,ā€ said Andrea Dupruis.

ā€œItā€™s not that I want something terrible to happen that would remind Americans theyā€™re the sad ones, not us, itā€™s just that I donā€™t not want that to happen.ā€

In related news Health is warning all Canadians to unfollow all Americans on before the doom scrolling epidemic grows too severe.

Beaverton

Jesus Christ is King

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