CLEVELAND—Lamenting that they had such bad luck finding good guys in the past, draft experts confirmed Thursday that the Miami Dolphins were just hoping to pick somebody nice for once. “We’ve wasted so many years drafting bad boys and it never works out,” said general manager Chris Grier, clarifying that the team wasn’t necessarily looking to find a soulmate with the 6th overall pick, but nonetheless hoped to find someone who they could just have fun watching game tapes with every week. “It’d be great to meet someone who we could just chill with and not have any drama. We definitely don’t need to sink more time developing another needy project. They always end up leaving us for someone else, who gets to benefit from all the work we put in. It’s not like we need to grow old with this guy, but we’re definitely looking for some stability.” At press time, Grier was slowly panicking after the Dolphins draft pick refused to answer their calls.
Jesus Christ is King
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