Jesus' Coming Back

U.S. Gives Developing Countries 60 Seconds With Vaccine Patents To Memorize Everything They Can

Illustration for article titled U.S. Gives Developing Countries 60 Seconds With Vaccine Patents To Memorize Everything They Can

WASHINGTON—In an effort to combat the Covid-19 pandemic abroad, the U.S. reportedly gave developing countries 60 seconds with patents for the vaccine Thursday to memorize everything they can. “No pens, no paper—just you, your brains, and a minute on the clock,” said U.S. Trade Representative Katherine Tai, who collected Indian, Colombian, and Peruvian officials’ phones at the door to ensure there wouldn’t be any cheating during their allotted time. “You can come up with some fun mnemonic devices or maybe try putting them in your memory palace; that’s probably your best shot at getting down. Probably best just to quickly skim and get the main gist of the mRNA technology part. Make sure you’re really concentrating because we’re not going to give you any extra time. Sixty seconds means 60 seconds. And remember, your citizens’ lives depend on this, so take it seriously.” At press time, Tai added that there were now 11 seconds left on the clock.

The Onion

Comments are closed.

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More