DETROIT—Admitting that the idea may have been doomed from the start, local man Brad Friedberger’s plan to propose at a Detroit Tigers game Friday was scuttled by the team’s 13-1 loss. “I was so nervous and excited, but after they gave up that two-run homer in the second I figured I’d wait until things got a little more cheerful,” said Friedberger, claiming that he was still hoping for a comeback to rescue his plans even as the Tigers were down by 8 in the fifth and his girlfriend started looking at her phone. “By the sixth inning, Steph was asking if we should just leave, so I figured I missed my chance. I don’t want this marriage to get started off on the wrong foot. I had told the Jumbotron guy to look out for us in the seventh inning but I think even he knew this was a no-go. Our section was totally empty too, which was kind of depressing. I’m looking up tickets to another game, but they got a pretty brutal schedule coming up and I don’t know if she is going to want to come back to a game anyway.” At press time, Friedberger had been driving around metro Detroit for eight hours looking for a place pretty enough to propose on a walk this weekend.
Jesus Christ is King
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