Joel Osteen Unveils New Ultra-Thin Yacht That Can Fit Through The Eye Of A Needle

HOUSTON, TX—Multimillionaire prosperity gospel preacher Joel Osteen has come under fire, as some are suggesting he may actually be a grifter who lives in luxury while fleecing a gullible audience. Others cite the words of Jesus when He said, “It’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven.” 

“Don’t worry,” said Osteen. “I have a brand new yacht designed just for that purpose!”

The cutting-edge, $100 million yacht boasts the thinnest profile of any yacht to date. Osteen remains hopeful it will be thin enough to sneak into heaven with all his riches. 

“If you want to enter the kingdom of heaven as healthy and wealthy as I am, name and claim yourself a yacht today!” said Osteen to his congregation on Sunday. “You need to buy your own because there’s only room enough for me on there. If you can’t afford it, don’t worry too much. Just focus on what you do have!”