Jesus' Coming Back

City of Ottawa announces $2.9 million housing program for Porsches

OTTAWA – The City of Ottawa has announced a generous contribution to a public housing development that will provide needy Porsches unable to find luxury homes and four car garages.

Throughout the city, high performance sports cars often have nowhere to go to and have a higher rate of experiencing mansion-lessness compared to other Canadian municipalities. However, leaders at city hall decided to step on the gas with trickle-down economics.

“Not every high-end vehicle gets the same opportunity in life,” said Mayor . “They all can’t be taken in by a business executive in the midst of a mid-life crisis, or by some rich kid on his 18th birthday…they need all the support they need to have an enriching life, which, in a way, enriches us.”

The housing project includes a showroom to help cars advertise their 3.0L twin-turbo boxer 6 engines to future employers, 24-7 waxing services, and a Porche playground where younger models can frolic.

While there are some who disagree with having the presence of a Porsche shelter in the neighbourhood, the mayor condemned those who didn’t support this important social service.

At press time, the mayor touted a separate carpool lane for the top 1% of earners claiming it would reduce traffic.

 

Beaverton

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