LOS ANGELES, CA – With Tom Cruise returning his Golden Globe awards over allegations of a lack of diversity and ethics at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, PR professionals recommend anyone who has won a Golden Globe try melting it down and reforging it into an Oscar.
“Winning a Golden Globe has always been viewed as a prediction of who’s getting an Oscar and with all the bad press surrounding those glorified lawn ornaments, it’s better to take the direct way,” said publicist Jaime Waters.
“It’s a far more effective way to get an Oscar than any hashtag.”
“I don’t know why they didn’t think of this sooner,” said three time Golden Globe winner Glenn Close as she poured the molten trophies into the custom Oscar-shaped mould in her home forge. “This makes a lot more sense than waiting for the Academy to start noticing movies that aren’t absolute tearjerkers.”
Despite the backlash the Golden Globes are currently facing, not every recipient is opting to repurpose the statues into more prestigious awards. Robert Downey Jr. was seen last Tuesday regifting his awards to two lesser-known actors. “As a white man, I have a pretty good chance of getting an Oscar the old fashioned way. I give my problematic awards to my problematic friends.”
The Academy recently took to social media to remind the public that the material needed to make an Oscar is equal to two and a half globes, five BAFTAS, or 1000 Emmys.
The Academy has also warned actors not to add a Grammy into the mix, as that will irreversibly compromise the integrity of the metal.
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