Jesus' Coming Back

Gorgeous Vacation Spots For Escaped Felons On A Budget

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Wire $800 to routing number 9501242 after 3 p.m. tomorrow. Wait at the intersection of 82nd street and 1st. Our cousin Donnie will pick you up in a green Buick. He’ll drive you to a dock, and from there, you’ll take a ferry. Finally, you’ll arrive at our safe house upstate, where you can lie low until you figure out your next moves.

The Onion

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