‘And You Lived In Afghanistan For How Long?’ Asks Suspicious Agent Questioning Returning Soldier At Customs

BOSTON—Appearing suspicious as she asked how long the soldier had lived in the Central Asian country, U.S. airport customs officer Michele Cox extensively questioned Army Staff Sgt. Joey Tatum upon the serviceman’s return from Afghanistan, sources confirmed Friday. “So, Mr. Tatum, your passport shows you’ve traveled quite a bit between the United States and Kabul over the years—what was the purpose of all that, exactly?” said Cox, who went on to ask the 37-year-old serviceman if his most recent trip had been for business or pleasure and reportedly cast a suspicious eye upon the oversized military duffel Tatum had carried aboard his flight. “We just want to double-check some of this. You have no family there, correct? And you say this will probably be your last trip to Afghanistan, but you can’t be absolutely certain? Okay, I’m just going to need you to wait here a moment while I talk to my superiors.” At press time, officials at Logan International Airport stated that Tatum was denied entry and detained by customs after it was discovered he had killed several people overseas.

The Onion