‘Racial Division Will Never Go Away,’ Reports News Organization That Is Financially Dependent On Racial Division

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—As news organizations descended upon Minneapolis on the anniversary of George Floyd’s death, anchors and reporters solemnly reminded the country that racial division will likely always be an integral part of American society. 

“The racial division that has plagued our country for so long, and that has led to hours of sensational news stories and high ratings for our network, will likely be around to stay,” said CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer. “This is very sad, but we can promise you that CNN will be there to cover it and drive you mad with anxiety and despair every time it rears its ugly head.” 

Journalists from other networks all made similar statements, reminding everyone that America is a horribly racist country and will likely be that way forever. 

“Really sad,” said CBS News Anchor Scott Pelley. “Let us take a moment today to remember what George Floyd did for the cause of justice, as well as our ratings.”