Social Media Companies Remind Users They Can Be Banned For Saying Anything False Or Anything Too True

U.S.—Social media companies have for some time been trying to control what people say on their platforms to make sure those platforms can’t be used to harm others — or at least not Democrats. A number of those companies have now gotten together and released a statement clarifying what social media users are allowed to say on the internet.

“Sure, we don’t want users saying false things,” said Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg at a press conference, “at least not about certain things and certain people. But the really dangerous stuff is not false information but information that is just too true to the point that it’s disruptive.”

“Yeah, basic true things like ‘It’s sunny outside’ are fine,” said Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey, “but true things about really important topics — you need to avoid those. Like we don’t care how true your information is about dealing with the pandemic or where the virus may have come from. You need to stick to what we’ve said you’re allowed to say. Be too truthful, and it’s off to Parler for you.”

“Only say true things no one will dispute,” said YouTube CEO and founder Bob You, “or at least things no progressive activist will dispute. The true stuff that scares people, that’s what will get you banned from all of our platforms. If you want ad revenue, stick to marginally true things and white lies.”

The social media companies also pointed out that some topics are so dangerous that one should avoid saying anything that’s even slightly true, such as with trans issues, where instead people should stick to statements like, “Trans women are women.”