Dr. Fauci Gets In Heated Debate With Seventeen Previous Versions Of Himself

WASHINGTON, D.C.—After a brief temporal anomaly occurred in Washington, D.C., causing a version of Dr. Fauci from just two weeks ago to materialize in the city, the current Dr. Fauci got in a heated debate with the manifestation of himself from the past.

“The virus was created in a lab!” present-day Fauci said indignantly, causing past Fauci to wag his finger and shake his head emphatically.

“No, no, no, that’s a deranged conspiracy theory!” past Fauci said. “It’s practically alt-right! Didn’t you check Snopes? Anyway, at least we can agree we should wear double masks forever.”

“No, masks aren’t necessary anymore!” said current Fauci. “We just wear them for political theater.”

“That’s insulting! They’re absolutely not theater!” said early May Fauci.

At that moment, another version of Fauci suddenly appeared from March 2020, agreeing with current Fauci but taking it a step further, saying, “Masks are useless. They just make people feel better!”

Both of the other Faucis then ganged up on March 2020 Fauci, calling him an “anti-science mask denier.”

Another Fauci then appeared, and then another, and then another, and all heck broke loose, with the Faucis screaming at one another and calling each other “Q anon crazies” and “progressive totalitarians,” depending on the version of Fauci.

Finally, an uneasy truce was called, as all the Faucis agreed they at least all wanted the same thing: to stay in the spotlight forever.