Minneapolis Honors Police Brutality Victims By Dedicating Armored Vehicles To George Floyd

MINNEAPOLIS—Following a year of upheaval that saw the country undergo a massive reckoning regarding state-sponsored violence, Minneapolis honored victims of police brutality Thursday by dedicating a fleet of armored vehicles to George Floyd. “These state-of-the-art military-style trucks equipped with power turrets and tear-gas deployment nozzles serve as a fitting tribute to a man whose life was cut tragically short,” said Mayor Jacob Frey during the dedication ceremony in which the six $750,000 armored vehicles adorned with Floyd’s image were paraded through the city’s downtown area. “We hope that all residents will think of George Floyd whenever they feel the ground quaking as these eight-ton vehicles roll by and reflect on how much we’ve accomplished since his untimely death, and how much further we still have to go. I’m thankful to say that today we’ve taken this first step that will allow officers to immediately achieve supremacy in any confrontation and ensure that fewer tragic accidents occur. In this spirit of compassion, we will also be opening a small charitable fund in George Floyd’s name to help support officers who have been removed from active duty.” At press time, mayors across the country were reportedly so moved by Minneapolis’ actions that they’d vowed to allocate billions of dollars for police departments to organize their own tributes.

The Onion