Kyrsten Sinema Defends Senate Filibuster As Necessary For Her To Stay Politically Relevant

WASHINGTON—Arguing the procedure was an invaluable legislative tradition that she would be hard pressed to do away with, Sen. Krysten Sinema (D-AZ) defended the Senate filibuster Friday as necessary for her to stay politically relevant. “For years, the Senate filibuster has been a critical tool that senators like myself have used in order to propel ourselves out of obscurity and into the spotlight,” said Sinema, adding that the ability to delay or block a bill protected a time-honored system in the United States government that had given her undue power based on a lack of proportional representation. “I admit our government has problems, but permitting Republicans to take the Senate floor to stymie a piece of legislation, which results in Krysten Sinema becoming the most talked-about senator in the news, is not one of them. Perhaps my Democratic colleagues should consider becoming relevant themselves, rather than removing the system that allowed my success.” At press time, Sinema argued that the best way to protect democracy was not by eliminating the filibuster, but rather by continuing to give her attention again and again.

The Onion