Man Takes Solace In Fact That World’s Oldest Person Didn’t Become Notable Until Age 112

DENVER—Realizing he could still make something of himself and even attain social prominence, local man Paul Aleman reportedly took solace Tueday in the fact that the person with the longest documented lifespan, the late Jeanne Calment of France, didn’t become notable until the age of 112. “She’s a real inspiration to me anytime I start to feel down about hitting middle age, because here’s someone who made a name for herself at 112, the year she became the world’s oldest living person,” said Aleman, explaining that if he used Calment as his yardstick, he still had more than 74 years left to do something worthwhile with his life. “Just think about that: She was born in 1875 and toiled away in obscurity for over a century, with no one even knowing who she was until she made The Guinness Book Of World Records in 1988. Not everyone hits it big when they’re young. Some of us are late bloomers. And Calment lived to be 122, which just goes to show that sometimes a person’s last decade is by far their best.” At press time, reports confirmed Aleman had died in obscurity following injuries sustained when an air-conditioning unit fell on his head.

The Onion