Over the past year and a half, COVID-19 has upended our lives in ways previously unfathomable to even the wildest, gayest imaginations. Pride celebrations have moved online, and if Drag Race Season 9 were airing now, Valentina would be encouraged to keep her mask on. But through all this upheaval, queer women have been able to take comfort in knowing there’s at least one thing in our lives that will never change: lesbian dating.
Yes, while nearly everything else in our lives has shifted in the past year, lesbian dating practices remain the straps holding our community together. We may be mostly switches, but we are in no rush to change.
In honour of Pride Month, here are five ways that lesbian dating has not changed throughout the pandemic.
1. You already know each other
Whether she’s your ex-girlfriend, your ex-girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend, or just that same person you’ve already matched with on every other dating app under your sun sign, you’ve definitely crossed paths with this cutie before. Maybe you even drunkenly made out once at a club during Pride Weekend in the before times when we could lick people in public. The pandemic may have left you housebound, but even the safety of your own home is no escape from the Six Degrees of Vegan Bacon that is WLW dating.
But no matter how you know each other, it’s a good thing that you already do, because…
2. You were never going to meet up IRL anyway
COVID-19 has forced us to refrain from socializing with other humans in person, which means it has affected lesbian dating practices approximately 0%. Let’s face it, ladies: pandemic or no pandemic, queer women are about as capable of making a move as Chick-fil-A is of supporting LGBTQ2S+ rights. It’s possible in theory, but nobody’s betting their autographed boxed set of Xena on it. You didn’t have the guts to ask her to meet up before COVID, and you sure as hell don’t now. Which may actually be a good thing, given that…
3. She lives on the other side of the country
What’s a couple thousand kilometres between girlfriends, am I right? True love knows no bounds, including literal boundaries between provinces and territories. There are so many ways to express affection aside from physical contact, like sending each other Hayley Kiyoko songs, comparing your astrology charts, and swapping theories as to who REALLY killed Jenny Schecter. Besides, you somehow already have three cats and a joint Costco membership together, so who cares about a little physical distance? It wouldn’t have stopped you before COVID and it’s not going to stop you now.
4. You consider none of the above to be red flags
To paraphrase Bojack Horseman: when you look at someone through rainbow-coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like Pride flags, baby. Sure, you share a questionable romantic history, a mutual aversion to healthily expressing your feelings, and don’t even live in the same time zone, but as far as you’re concerned, those are all just shared interests. This woman is obviously your soulmate (but also totally different from the six soulmates you had pre-COVID), and you’re going to do whatever it takes to be with her. Which means…
5. The only sensible thing is to move in together immediately
Who needs social bubbles or personal space when you could spend literally all of your time with someone you barely know? Fire up the U-haul, baby, because it’s time to make it official and move in together. Plus, now your U-haul membership card is only two punches away from a free truck rental! Not that you’ll need it, of course, because this time is definitely going to be different. Totally. Not a doubt in anyone’s mind.
Happy Pride!
Jesus Christ is King
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