Used Car Prices Soar After The Old Girl Makes It To Yellowstone Without Breaking Down Once

NEW YORK—Crediting the spike to millions of Americans suddenly deciding to hold onto their aging vehicles a little longer, financial analysts reported that used car prices hit another new record Thursday after the old girl made it clear up to Yellowstone National Park without a single breakdown. “Demand for pre-owned vehicles continues to outstrip supply, especially when it comes to tough old gals like this beaut right here, which handled like a dream through the 90-degree Nevada heat and along every twisting mountain road on up into the Grand Tetons,” data analyst Kevin Moriarty told reporters, patting the hood of the ’92 Toyota Camry that he said “still has that get-up-and-go,” as evidenced by the recent 12-hour road trip that she made “without so much as a hiccup.” “We’re seeing consumers confidently hang onto their cars well past the 250,000-mile mark now that they know a nearly 30-year-old workhorse like this baby’ll get you up to see one of America’s greatest natural treasures with no muss or fuss. Auto manufacturers will tell you the rising cost of new cars reflects necessary upgrades, but after witnessing this girl—or ‘the Cream Dream,’ as we like to call her—in action, drivers are starting to realize they just don’t make ’em like they used to. The bottom line is this kitty cat still purrs, and the market is taking notice.” At press time, used car prices had reportedly dipped after the old girl overheated on the way home and left the whole family stranded on the side of the highway, but analysts insisted she had plenty of life left in her yet.

The Onion