SANTA FE, NM—Advising residents to avoid prolonged outdoor activity, the National Weather Service reported Friday that a scorching heat wave had caused unsightly blisters to bubble up across the American Southwest. “Although the region is known for its flare-ups this time of year, these are some of the most severe blisters we’ve had on record,” said meteorologist Hank Getty, who speculated that if the blisters get infected the nation could “lose a few states.” “We recommend staying away from the blisters as you could potentially drown in the pus. For now, we expect legislators to lather up the blisters with aloe vera to ease the pain.” At press time, the National Weather Service issued an emergency warning after a popped blister was flooding the Grand Canyon.
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