A lot of people say war is bad and have condemned it ever since war was first invented by Bob War, but some wars have been pretty good — great even. Here are some of the best wars of all time — the cream of the crop of wars.
Revolutionary War: While you want to avoid war as much as possible, those guys tried to make us pay taxes. The Revolutionary War stopped us from paying taxes for good.
The War on Drugs: The war on drugs is great because it’s still going, like a really good TV show going into its 32nd season.
World War III on January 6, 2021: A brutal and devastating war on the Capitol when a few tourists walked around and took pictures.
Star Wars: The universe was much more peaceful after getting rid of the threat of Alderaan.
Civil War: Everyone loved this war so much that even the losers got a bunch of statues. Plus, it gives your uncle something to watch on the History Channel.
World War II: One of the few sequels considered better than the original, like Toy Story 2 or Empire Strikes Back.
The War of Jenkins’ Ear: We don’t know anything about this one but it sounds awesome.
War on Women: War is so much better when you’re waging it against women. We hope we win this one so we can oppress women and turn the nation into The Handmaid’s Tale!
The Punic Wars: Someone had to stop those Punics. Can you imagine us being ruled by a bunch of Punics? You can’t.
The Great Thumb War Between Billy and Johnny Hampton in the Backseat of Their Parents’ Car In June 1998: An epic battle of thumbs, fingers, ninja kicks, and devastating maneuvers that ended in a narrow victory for Billy and Johnny crying to their mom.
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