Unitarian Church Invites Joe Biden, Says They’ll Give Communion To Literally Anyone

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A pastor from a local Unitarian Universalist Association church said today that President and First Lady Biden are welcome to come and receive communion at her church anytime, no questions asked. This announcement comes as Catholic bishops grapple with a decision on denying Biden communion due to his stance on abortion. 

“The Bidens are more than welcome to come and receive communion at any UUA church,” said pastor Butterfly Watkins of the Church Of the Divine Honeybee in Washington, D.C. “We Unitarians will give communion to literally anyone. We want to be very clear that we have absolutely no standards whatsoever.” 

Watkins said the lack of doctrinal standards has been a hallmark of the UUA for more than 200 years, and the church has no plans to adopt any in the future. “We don’t get too hung up on things like theology or religion,” she said. “Heck, we don’t even have any Bibles in the building. Those things in the pews are actually just old cookbooks we picked up at a yard sale.” 

President Biden seemed delighted by the invitation to join a different denomination. “I like [the UUA] a lot,” Biden said. “They’re not in your face about believing things about God and stuff. They’re a lot like the Catholic church used to be before they got all preachy and religious.” 

Biden said he intends to worship at the Church of The Divine Honeybee soon, and that his decision has nothing to do with the fact that there’s an ice cream parlor directly next door. “That’s just a happy little coincidence, Jack,” he said.