Chicago Cubs Launch Charitable Initiative To Give Back To Overserved Communities

CHICAGO—Honoring the most dedicated part of their fan base with the summer volunteer program, the Chicago Cubs launched a new charitable initiative Thursday to give back to overserved communities. “This is a group of people who don’t always have the best lives, but to do even a little to help these absolutely plastered fans is great,” said shortstop Javier Báez, who lamented that many of them do not get much physical activity and are forced to live their lives in the deadly environment of neighborhoods like Wrigleyville. “The overserved are often denied opportunities to stay in restaurants or drive cars that you and I take for granted. They are disrespected and mocked. So it feels good to show these incredibly trashed fans what they are actually capable of. Even just to see their smiles as they wildly swing bat before the pitch has been thrown. It’s nice to see that kind of joy in their glossy eyes instead of challenging everyone they see to a fight.” At press time, more than half the overserved had been kicked out of the gathering after heckling Báez for being overpaid and speaking with a “foreign” accent.

The Onion