‘Game Of Thrones’ Fans, Rejoice! George R.R. Martin Confirmed That Halfway Through ‘Elden Ring’ His Writing Will Be Replaced By Dialogue Like ‘An Army Is Like A Hard Cock’

FromSoftware fans were thrilled to finally see the full reveal of Elden Ring at E3 2021, and since that dramatic footage’s release, one huge revelation leaked out that will have anyone who loved Game Of Thrones celebrating: George R.R. Martin himself just confirmed that halfway through the game his engrossing writing will disappear and be replaced with dialogue like “An army is like a hard cock.”

For any gamers who have been craving more GOT since the show’s ending, this is a real treat!

According to Martin, about 25 to 30 hours into the game, Elden Ring’s narrative transforms, shedding his signature dramatic and colorful writing in favor of characters turning to each other and saying things like “You treat a thief like a whore, my friend—you fuck them!” The iconic fantasy author even let slip that as a bit of fan service, he had taken no role in writing the game’s final ten hours, leaving the development team to pen a rushed and ultimately unsatisfying conclusion to the story. That’s something that must have every Thrones fan rushing to preorder!

Not only will fans be treated to Martin-aping gems like “Power is a sword you use to rape your enemies,” but the author also hinted that the complex, meticulously developed characters at the beginning of Elden Ring will devolve into complete caricatures that make decisions totally at odds with their previously stated goals. Sounds like game of the year might already be in the bag!

January can’t get here soon enough.

The Onion