Jen Psaki Frantically Shoves Cookies Into Mouths Of Journalists To Prevent Them From Asking Questions

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Whitehouse briefing room was abuzz Friday when White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki introduced a fun new tradition of shoving fresh-baked cookies into the mouths of journalists daring to ask inconvenient questions.

One reporter raised her hand to voice concerns over the ethics of silencing the press by shoving handfuls of macaroons down their gullets, only to have handfuls of macaroons shoved down her gullet.

Secretary Psaki was then seen circling the room with armloads of warm cookies, welcoming questions about the border crisis, the President’s mental health, even Hunter Biden’s escapades.

When a Fox News correspondent scratched his nose, Psaki pounced, cornering the frightened journalist as he yelled, “Do those have nuts? I’m allergic to nuHURGH!” A plateful of Walnut-Cranberry cookies disappeared into his bulging mouth. 

After an hour of contemplative silence, a reporter from the New York Times courageously asked which cookie was the President’s favorite.

“Oatmeal Raisin,” replied Psaki.

In unison, the entire press corps agreed it was their favorite as well.