Surefire Ways To Get Rid Of A Hangover

Banish that hangover by eating a large, well-balanced pile of medicine.

This should do the trick.

When it comes to curing a hangover, there’s nothing that washes dozens of beers off of you quite like being a teenager.

Tastes good in mouth.

Go ahead, don’t be shy. What is it? You know, that sweet cheebie weebie. That tasty baby Jane. “The Good Earth” by Pearl S. Buck, right? That side of spinach salad with Green Goddess dressing, if you catch our drift. (Gatorade.)

Christ, how did you let it get this bad.

There are lots of so-called miracle cures out there, and they all work. Just take the first one you see.

Water, milk, Drano, fruit juice, anti-freeze, motor oil, and bleach all get the job done.

Nothing soaks up the alcohol in your system quite like god’s most absorbent creation.

Easier said than done.

Due to its density, alcohol naturally sinks into your lowest extremities, so cut them off first thing in the morning.

This might sound crazy, but lots of drinkers swear this really works!

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We don’t know what time it is in Audrey world, but in the real world it’s 9:33 a.m., and we’re leaving for mass in 15 minutes. And wipe that makeup off your face.

The vitamins and oils within canned tuna or other fish is ideal for replenishing your body, so good luck trying to choke that down.

Oh shit. Oh fuck. Oh shit. Quick, pop in a breath mint or something.

Water is key to preventing hangovers, so make sure to drink from any stagnant puddles you stumble across on the way home.

You were told alcohol contains adulterants that interfere with the transmissions our souls send out to the mothership. And there will be punishment for forgetting.

These bottles are not only a dead giveaway that you’ve been drinking, but they also contribute to the dizziness you may be feeling.

A recent study from Harvard Medical School noted that nothing cures a hangover faster than watching your wife pile your kids into your car, throw your wedding ring at you, and skid out of the driveway on her way to her parents’ house.