U.S.—After a fun and exciting month of celebrating pride, the first of the seven deadly sins, Americans are gearing up to celebrate Greed Month—as well as Lust Month, Envy Month, Gluttony Month, Wrath Month, And Sloth Month.
“Yeah- it’s been a great pride month. I feel so prideful!” said local man Sasparillo Gunderprit. “But what I’m really looking forward to is greed month. I’m gonna celebrate by accumulating wealth for myself by abandoning all my morals. Just like Nike and Disney! Yay!”
Baptist churches, on the other hand, are already gearing up for gluttony month, which has always been their favorite month since gluttony isn’t actually a real sin—like being gay or drinking alcohol. Church members around the country are preparing their favorite cheesy sausage noodle casseroles and double-fudge cream custard desserts.
For thousands of Americans, collecting unemployment even though there are plenty of jobs available for them, it’s already been sloth month for a while now.
BLM and Antifa have shrugged off upcoming official months, saying they can celebrate all seven deadly sins every day of the year.
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