Jesus' Coming Back

Local man in line confusingly announces he won’t be tipping his vaccine nurse

WESTMOUNT, QC – Local resident Glerbert Memps was waiting in line to receive his first COVID vaccine shot when he loudly announced to the strangers behind him that he would definitely not be tipping the nurse who would administer the shot.

“There’s no way I’m giving an extra 5% to whoever is giving me this shot. These fatcat nurses already live large enough,” said Memps to the politely disinterested couple behind him whom he had never met before today. “It’s not like they made the vaccine themselves. I’m just here to get it and go. These people can just forget it. They won’t get a single extra coin from me. I already paid my taxes.”

None of the nurses interviewed expected or even wanted to be tipped by their patients.

“We work long hours and put up with a lot of bad behaviour, but we would in no way expect to be tipped for our work. We do this because we care for our communities,” said Mélie Legault, a nurse who has been giving shots daily for several months now. “To be honest, part of me thinks it’s not a terrible idea…” She then gave a long sigh and added, “…but it’s not really appropriate.” Followed by another despairing sigh.

Other people in line near Memps began to ask themselves if they should tip their nurse, how much to tip, why don’t they tip in Europe and perhaps they should only tip after the second dose.

Memps continued sharing his thoughts on gratuities with the staffer registering his information. “Like I’m made out of money? I can barely afford my cottage in the Laurentians these days with all my AirBnb properties sitting empty thanks to Big Government! What’s that? M-E-M-P-S. And don’t you be getting any funny ideas.”

Beaverton

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