Poll Finds 95% Of Americans Approve Of Kim Jong-Un After Seeing Weight Loss Photos

WASHINGTON—According to a poll released Tuesday by the Pew Research Center, a record 95% of Americans now approve of Kim Jong-un after seeing photos that reveal the North Korean leader sporting a much trimmer figure following a month of intensive weight loss. “Among U.S. citizens, Kim is receiving high positive ratings across the board, a staggering uptick that is largely attributable to how good he looks with his new, slimmed-down body,” said polling analyst Mary Silverman, adding that the totalitarian dictator’s favorability scores had long languished in the single digits across the United States, and that they showed no signs of budging last year when South Korean intelligence officials estimated his weight had reached 308 pounds. “We found that 91% of Americans now believe Kim is a compassionate leader, 94% believe he is trustworthy, and 99% agree with the statement ‘Kim Jong-un is the right man for the job.’ Survey respondents said they were unsure what had so suddenly altered their perception of a man who routinely orders the extrajudicial killing of people close to him, but many mentioned they were genuinely impressed by the $12,000 Swiss watch he is seen wearing in the new photos.” At press time, a petition signed by thousands of current and former members of the U.S. diplomatic corps called for normalizing relations with North Korea, declaring it “foolhardy” to oppose an international leader so full of natural charisma and fine health.

The Onion