Common Misconceptions Everybody Has About Twins

That’s French they’re speaking, you uncultured hog.

It certainly can’t make things worse, but it has far from a 100% success rate.

No evidence suggests that, upon reaching puberty, twins develop the ability to combine their masses to become a giant.

Despite the popular culture notion of an “evil twin,” there is actually no such thing as morality in a cruel and uncaring world.

Let’s think this through for a moment—is this really what you want? You want to fuck siblings?

A landmark 1990 study from the Minnesota Center For Twin And Family Research found that twins are actually double the trouble.

While there may be a genetic component, most twins are the result of one or both parents saying, “We’re just gonna have the one and then see how things are looking financially in a few years.”

Although Peter and Paul are fine names for a pair of twins, there are many other combinations in existence, such as Ella and Emily, Kyle and Keegan, and Grace and David.

False. Twin bylaws authorize only identical twins to wear matching jammies. (Conjoined twins may also share a single cute sweater with two neck holes.)

While twins can often develop a heightened rivalry, most conflicts can be avoided if one of them returns to their original dimension.

Face it, you’d give anything to be lying poolside in Vegas right now.

Most twins are actually too fucking stupid to finish their own sentences.

The odds of giving birth to twins is one in 250 births, while 249 out of 250 babies are successfully able to eat the weaker twin in utero before birth.

You’re thinking of horses. Human twins sleep in a comfortable seated position.

This is dangerous and deadly slander and shame on you for even thinking this out loud, but it wouldn’t hurt to do some research.

This is a pernicious misconception, as twins worship the exact same Twin Gods that we do.

This is a common myth, although twins can sense if their sibling is unloading a dishwasher from thousands of miles away.

With that negative run differential and Byron Buxton’s inability to stay healthy, it’ll take way more than just acquiring a top-tier starting pitcher at the trade deadline to give the Twins a serious shot at even making the playoffs, never mind winning it all.

There’s no “normal” way to have twins, whether it’s through a cesarean delivery, or a second identical, albeit paler, eerier, child suddenly appearing in the crib next to the first the morning after you return from the hospital.

The vast majority of parents would have really preferred to have kids more spread out and consider having two infants at once a complete nightmare.

Actually, twins can usually be achieved with some creative staging and over-the-shoulder shots.

This widespread misconceptions was propagated by the hundred of millions of Americans who have read Gabriel García Márquez’s novella Crónica de una Muerte Anunciada. In fact, it was only the Vicario twins who killed Santiago Nasar.

This one’s actually true! Fraternal twins can look like they come from completely different ethnicities, which isn’t to say that any specific facial features correlate with a specific race, or that we would ever say something like that. That would be racist. Oh Jesus Christ, sorry. Forget we said anything.

You’d think from all those extra years getting to practice on each other they’d be the best at giving head in town, but numerous studies have shown that both male and female twins are just about average at giving head compared to non-twin populations.

You’re thinking of the Irish.

Seriously where do you people even read this stuff? Why would you ever believe this? No, of course not, you fucking morons.