Supreme Court Waits In Line For Hours Before Voting To Uphold Arizona Restrictions

WASHINGTON—Struggling to stay on their feet as they stood outside their assigned polling place, the nine members of the U.S. Supreme Court reportedly waited in line for hours Thursday before they were able to cast their votes to uphold voting restrictions enacted by the Arizona legislature. “God, I thought it would be just a quick in and out, but I can’t even see the front of the line from here,” said Chief Justice John Roberts from his place near the middle of the queue, which snaked down First Street in the high court’s northeast D.C. neighborhood. “It’ll take another hour to make it to the bottom of all those steps, and it could be dark before I finally get inside the Great Hall. Don’t they know some people have to work for a living? I’ve got other cases to hear, and I can’t wait around all day. Guess I should have packed a lunch.” At press time, sources confirmed Associate Justice Amy Coney Barrett had been forced to squat behind a marble pillar and relieve herself in order to avoid missing her chance to vote.

The Onion