The nation’s energy secretary has declared that the tragic collapse of a condo building in Miami was related to climate change. And since we always trust the experts, we believe her. When have experts ever been wrong, after all? Can’t think of a single time, especially in the last year.
But the condo collapse wasn’t the first time climate change has punched humanity in the face. Here are ten disasters caused by climate change:
1. The Hindenburg disaster – If the weather had been cooler, it wouldn’t have caught fire. Thanks, climate change!
2. The Jan. 6 capitol riots – Climate change radicalized Trump supporters, who couldn’t think clearly in the heat. Plus they had to start going shirtless and wearing buffalo skins. Because of the heat.
3. The Destruction of Alderaan – Scientists now believe that the global temperature on Alderaan heated very rapidly just before it blew up. Should have had more regulations!
4. Chernobyl – The Soviet Union was oppressed by climate change-causing capitalists in the Cold War, causing them to blow up their nuclear plants? Or something.
5. The defeat of the English at Bannockburn in 1314 – The dastardly Scots only won because they were wearing kilts, allowing them to weather climate change’s deadly heat.
6. Taylor Swift’s transition to pop music – Just listen to the difference between “Teardrops on My Guitar” and “Shake It Off” – a true tragedy. Caused by climate change.
7. Cats (2019) – We can only think this must have been climate change.
8. The Monica Lewinsky scandal – Bill Clinton’s interns had to wear more revealing clothes to weather climate change. Curse you, climate change!
9. Hyperinflation under Biden – It’s either Trump’s fault or climate change.
10. The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah – It’s the only explanation.
What other disasters might have been caused by climate change? Let us know by shouting them at your screen! (Or you can subscribe and actually comment below).
Jesus Christ is King
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