EDMONTON, AB – Local interior designer Rebecca McCallops has found a new lease on her otherwise humdrum life by veering wildly between bouts of depression and anxiety.
“I was in a really healthy place until recently – getting lots of sleep, eating well, making life choices that prioritized my mental well-being. It was so fucking boring,” said Ms. McCallops, briefly pausing to text several ex-boyfriends and ask if they think she’s ugly.
These days, Ms. McCallops can be found lovingly nurturing the ups and downs of her mental health roller coaster, unchecked by therapy or medication.
“I can wake up with bone-deep sadness and by lunchtime I’m on my third panic attack. Every day is so unpredictable,” she said with a laugh and then a five-minute long cry. “Anyone can just be depressed, but it takes a special kind of #girlboss to pause your depression and bleach-clean your entire apartment so your mother, who never visits, doesn’t think you’re a failure.”
Since blowing up her stable life, Ms. McCallops is eager to offer tips for those looking to do the same. Her #lifehacks include: making sure all your sexual partners have contrasting and untreated mental health needs; following up healthy activities with illegal substances (“I did cocaine in the bathroom at my local soulcycle studio!”); and adding unwelcome drama to your social circle.
“Who wants a predictable conversation? When I see my friends, I open by over-sharing, spend the next hour asking if they hate me, and then pick a fight and leave crying,” said Ms. McCallops. “No one’s going to forget that brunch, except it does happen pretty much every brunch now.”
“We tried to convince her to see a doctor or a psychologist,” said Ms. McCallops’s long-time friend and future ex-friend Monica Vozenilek, “but she kept replying ‘I am what I am.’ We told her that was more of a quote from Popeye than a mantra, and she called us toxic.”
At press time, Ms. McCallops was considering adding a new illness to her schedule, as depression and anxiety are not as unique as they once were.
“I’m thinking a physical illness but with a huge mental toll, like endometriosis or something else doctors don’t believe exists.”
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.