U.S.—Journalists across the country are struggling to fill broadcast time and newspaper space today. According to sources, there is almost nothing interesting or important to cover in the news, since Biden hasn’t eaten an ice cream cone yet.
“Ugh… why is this so hard?” said Washington Post correspondent Sethro McBubbles as he banged his head against the keyboard. “Crimewave in Chicago? Meh. Crackdown in Hong Kong? Boring. Oh, WHY can’t President Biden go get another chocolate chocolate chip waffle cone? Now THAT would be newsworthy. I hate slow news days.”
According to sources, McBubbles was torn between filling space with coverage of a local story where a rabid squirrel disrupted a pie-eating contest, or starting an investigation into why tube socks are racist.
His thoughts were interrupted by a blaring siren and red light in the newsroom indicating breaking news.
“Biden’s making a stop at Dairy Queen! WE NEED SOMEONE ON-SITE TO FIND OUT WHAT FLAVOR HE ORDERED!”
“Yes! Here we go!” said McBubbles while grabbing his equipment and running out the door as fast as he could. “I love my job!”
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