Starstruck Man Can’t Think Of Anything To Say To Cruise Ship Hypnotist In Breakfast Buffet Line

ATLANTIC OCEAN—Trembling as it dawned on him that he would only have one chance and was about to botch it, starstruck man Bill Sampson reportedly couldn’t think of anything to say to the cruise ship hypnotist in the breakfast buffet line. “My first thought was to say ‘Hey, great job last night, you really took our brains away,’ but damn it, that doesn’t make any sense,” said the admiring Carnival Cruise Lines passenger under his breath, standing frozen in the buffet line holding a pair of tongs and trying to brainstorm conversation topics as the hypnotist moved down the line with his tray. “Shit, you’ve gotta say something. He was amazing last night. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time. But I feel like I’m going to annoy him no matter what I say. First of all, are you supposed to call him Mr. Mysterious when he’s not onstage? I mean, the man’s got a name, right? But I’m sure he gets adoring fans talking to him all the time when he just wants to eat his breakfast in peace. Honestly, I’m surprised to see him here. I figured the talent have their own private dining room, but I should’ve known he was a man of the people. Think, Bill, damn it. You’re gonna miss your chance. Christ, this is worse than the time I saw that Law & Order actor getting a doughnut when I was on vacation in New York City.” At press time, the starstruck man was kicking himself for his tongue-tied stupidity after standing too close behind the cruise ship hypnotist while saying, too loudly, “Potatoes, good choice.”

The Onion