Kenney bangs pan to celebrate nurses as they enter meeting to negotiate salary cuts

CALGARY – As representatives from the Nurses’ Union entered the meeting to negotiate how much the Provincial Government would cut their salaries by, Premier Jason Kenney took a moment to honour their brave work in the face of COVID-19 by banging a pan as loud as he could.

“Remember when we used to do this every day,” said Kenney over the racket as the glum-faced union reps took their seats. “Yay, you guys. Thank you so much, thank you for everything!”

“Also we’re gonna cut your pay 10% and slash your benefits,” he added, still banging away.

Kenney continued banging on his pan throughout the 3 hour negotiation, pausing only to rest and to occasionally wave his wooden spoon in their faces while he called them “socialist bastards who were bleeding Alberta dry” with their high salaries.

“We kept trying to point out that the government wouldn’t need to cut our salaries if they just introduced a sales tax, but everytime we did he just banged harder while going ‘la la la, I am not listening, la la la,” said one Nurse in attendance.

Many Canadians chose to bang on pots and pans during the early months of the pandemic in order to honour healthcare workers who risked their lives to save our own. Kenney wanted to give the nurses one more round of celebration now that his government has arbitrarily decided the Pandemic is over despite all evidence to the contrary.

To make things really special Kenney has also asked his Ministers to give all the nurses they were about to layoff a standing ovation.

Beaverton