Telltale Signs Your Child Is Gifted

Mathematicians may have been struggling to prove this theorem for centuries, but any true gifted child will be able to pick up some chalk and solve it immediately.

You might as well get Harvard on the phone right away if your child pulls this off!

Don’t expect your child to respect you unless you understand the basic principles of velocity, impulse, and gravity behind the Tsiolkovsky rocket equation.

If you filled out your baby’s genetic modification form, checked the box “prodigy,” and wired the company $800K, you’d better get your money’s worth.

Bonus points if the doctor spanks your newborn baby and they exclaim the words, “Oh, I say, put me down this instant,” in an English accent.

Abraham, Felix, and Earle agree that playing on the jungle gym is so passé.

You know you’ve got a winner when your child develops mammary glands capable of nourishing you.

Intelligence doesn’t entirely correlate with brain size, but it’s not a bad sign if your kid has a huge fucking dome.

While their work occupies a familiar space in the literary milieu, their inventiveness of form evokes surprise, intrigue, and most of all, delight.

They’re not like the other kids. It’s hard to put your finger on what exactly, but there’s just something a little off about them, y’know? It’s probably fine.

While there’s always a chance your child was born with dark magic, it’s far more likely they’re a genius who has learned to harness the power of electricity.

Successfully cutting the right wire before it goes off will be pretty impressive to a lot of adults.

Don’t be surprise if their teacher calls you in when they spout off words like fuck, shit, tits, cock, and asshole.

Five words: Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, 1998.

It’s only up from here if your child’s science fair, spelling bee, and math olympiad winnings are already supporting you and your entire family.

Hey, FDR, Edgar Allen Poe, and H.G. Wells all did it. Plus, that’s how you know they want to keep their genius gene in the family.

If your child recently fell into a vat of toxic waste and gained the ability to move things using their mind, shoot lasers from their eyes, or read the brain waves of those around them, they may be ready to skip a grade.

Good news! This could be a sign that powerful tech CEOs have sent an unmanned drone to assassinate your child with a bullet to the head!

You can just tell that little fucker knows how smart they are​ and can’t wait to lord it over you.