Hesitant Man Just Waiting To Observe Long-Term Effects Of Vaccine Over Next Several Eons

CORVALLIS, OR—Stressing that he was hesitant to get one until more evidence came to light, local man Jeff Bryan told reporters Monday that he was just waiting to observe the long-term effects of the Covid-19 vaccine over the next several eons. “Look, I get that people are saying it’s safe right now, but I think I’d rather wait another billion years or so to really get a sense of the potential consequences,” said Bryan, adding that he understood Covid was a pressing problem but didn’t see the issue of waiting until the fall of 202120201021 C.E. or so to decide whether to take the vaccine. “Sure, doctors are saying there’s no side effects now, but what about in 2.5 billion years? Frankly, I think anything under a few hundred million years is just too soon to know what this thing’s gonna do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a strict anti-vaxxer or anything like that, but I think it’s reasonable to ask what effects the vaccines will have on our children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children’s children.” Bryan added his hesitancy was also due to such a small number of overall vaccine recipients, which made their own experiences more anecdotal and less reliable as data, adding that he’d feel more comfortable after hearing how the vaccine affected a larger sample size of around 100 billion people.

The Onion