Sprinter Blames Positive Covid Test On Nutritional Supplement She Didn’t Realize Contained Coronavirus

TOYKO—Apologizing profusely for the misunderstanding that could potentially end her Olympic career, U.S. sprinter Justine Hayes blamed a positive Covid test Wednesday on a nutritional supplement she didn’t realize contained the novel coronavirus. “While I did not know it at the time, my positive test stemmed from a strict dietary regimen prescribed to me that contained high levels of the Delta variant,” said Hayes, adding that the supplements, which were given to her entire track and field team through vitamins, inhalers, and sports drinks, secretly contained 80% of the permitted Covid allowance. “I trusted my trainer, but I wish I had questioned him and asked him to explain what all the Greek symbols and warnings were on the back of each and every thing I ingested before or after running. Looking back, I should have seen all my side-effects, including shortness of breath, loss of taste and smell, high fevers, and coughing blood, as red flags.” At press time, Hayes had further come under scrutiny after sources revealed the sprinter received blood transfusions to boost her levels of Hepatitis B, Malaria, and Dengue Fever.

The Onion