To Improve Olympic Chances, US Women’s Soccer Team Replaced By 15-Year-Old Boys Team In Wigs

TOKYO—After the U.S. women’s team’s embarrassing loss to Sweden in this year’s Olympics, America is hoping to come back and regain the gold in the tournament by replacing all the women with a high-school boys team.

“We will have all the boys wear brightly colored wigs, which is the only thing needed to qualify them as women under the current rules,” said head coach Vlatko Andonovski. “These 15-year-old boys completely smoked the U.S. women’s team a few years ago, so we’re confident they’ll destroy the competition.” 

The boys have said they will prepare this evening by eating some pizza rolls and playing Playstation all night. In the morning they will be issued their wigs and head off to utterly dominate every game for the rest of the tournament. 

Unfortunately, their plans may have hit a snag, as the New Zealand team is entirely made up of fully grown trans women bodybuilders.