Signs Your Significant Other Might Be Cheating On You

If you catch that sack of shit smiling more than once, something isn’t right.

After seven years, there’s no way they’re trying to do better for your benefit.

Trust your intuition. It was right the first seven times.

There’s no surer sign that they’re not only thinking about someone else but they know exactly where to find them.

Your partner’s trip to CVS shouldn’t last the entire weekend.

Would someone who is faithful really go to all the trouble to dig a microchip out of their forearm?

Nothing spells infidelity more than being invited onto a stage on national TV to physically fight your spouse’s new lover.

If they’re not a janitor and they’re not dog-sitting, you can bet they’re cheating with someone new every day of the week.

What do their privates have to hide that they’re not telling you?

If your partner wants to spice things up by going to court and getting legally separated, you might be in trouble.

If your partner is completely out of cum, there’s a good chance it’s going somewhere else.

Your significant other is probably cheating on you if they ask you to be part of their wedding party at their upcoming wedding to someone else.

You might learn of your significant other’s unfaithfulness through a dark portent like an owl holding the underwear of your partner’s tennis instructor in its beak.

If you value your relationship, you’ll do anything possible to keep your partner from being cast in this 2005 action-romance film.

If your SO’s genitals slide straight off of their groin, there’s a chance it’s because it withered up and died from too much activity between you and their extramarital lover.

If your partner stops charging their sex robot next to you, then it’s probably because they’re probably both having sex with someone else.

And you’re just supposed to believe they have no idea how that got there?

Much like MLK, if the Federal Bureau of Investigation contacts you and plays you a recording of your partner speaking with a secret lover, then your days together could numbered.

Could be a dead giveaway.

Sorry.