Hypocritical Saruman Calls For Defunding The Riders Of Rohan While Spawning Own Army Of Uruk-Hai Under Orthanc

GAP OF ROHAN—Many are calling for the resignation of Saruman. The sorcerer’s hypocrisy was put on full display after he called for the defunding of the police, all while he himself was busy spawning his own army of Uruk-Hai under Orthanc.

“Defund the police!” Saruman shouted. “Of course, I myself need private security, and that’s why I’m spawning my own super-Orcs here under my great tower. But that’s different! I’m a powerful wizard, not a miserable, poor peasant!”

“But yeah, anyway, we need to defund the riders. They’re racist against Orcs and stuff. Very sad!”

Many on social media called him out for his hypocrisy. “Typical Saruman, calling for defunding the Riders of Rohan—who are always there when I need them—when he himself can afford private Uruk-Hai security,” wrote one user on Twitter. “That’s the demon-crats for ya!”

Others defended him, saying that his security needs are different than those of the peasants, since he is a political leader. “He’s gotten death threats, you know,” Gríma Wormtongue wrote on his Facebook page. “He needs the private security, while the rest of you peasants can fend for yourselves. You have pitchforks and stuff. Why don’t you just stab criminals in the leg with those?”

Sadly, before he could carry out his plan to defund the Riders of Rohan, Saruman was canceled for being White.