Exclusive: We Have Acquired The Department Of Homeland Security’s Complete List Of Terror Threats

The Babylon Bee has obtained a leaked copy of the complete list of red flags the Department of Homeland Security looks for when assessing terror threats. Is your neighbor a terrorist? Are YOU a terrorist? Read the list below and find out!

And remember, if you see something, SAY something! 

Does anyone you know fit any of these descriptions? They’re probably a terrorist. Be sure to notify federal authorities immediately.