WELLINGTON, NZ—After discovering a single case of COVID on the island of New Zealand, the country’s Prime Minister and Chief Muppet Jacinda Ardern has decided she will take no chances—electing to just sink the entire island into the sea to stop the spread.
“Listen, this gives me no pleasure,” she said in an address, “but desperate times call for desperate measures. I am left with no choice but to fully submerge this island underwater until the threat of COVID is passed.”
“So pack your togs, because you all will have to swim for a few weeks until we figure this out.”
She then drilled a hole into the ground with an auger until water began rushing out, which then enveloped the whole island, leaving all the Kiwis floating out in the wop-wops.
“Crikey!” said all the enraged citizens. “We’ll be floating out here for yonks!”
Authorities assured the rest of the world that Prime Minister Ardern’s move was in no way an overreaction and is completely reasonable in every way.
Jesus Christ is King
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