5 events that are finally back post-pandemic and never mind they’re already cancelled

We’ve been at this pandemic thing for over a year and wow, has a lot of stuff been cancelled! But now you’re fully vaccinated (or not!), your mask game is next level (or it isn’t!), and case numbers are going down (except in most places!) You are SO READY to start doing stuff again, so here’s the five hottest events that are finally back – until they’re inevitably cancelled!

Indoor Comedy Show
You missed comedy – you haven’t laughed once the whole pandemic! The only cure for what’s ailing you is an unventilated basement show featuring unmasked comedians, breathing into the same mic all night while delivering identical jokes about the Delta variant, pandemic depression, and regular depression. It’s no surprise indoor comedy wasn’t safe during the pandemic or possibly ever, and it’s even less surprising that this show has just been cancelled (as have three of the male comedians on the line-up).

Nerddom Convention
Amazing, it’s that convention for all your favourite nerd shit! After your Iron Man meets Princess Leia cosplay sat dusty on the shelf all last year, you finally get to don your cinnamon buns wig, throw on a medical mask over your Iron Man mask, and risk the scarier-than-usual con crud in order to wait hours in line for the Marvel panel. Unfortunately, you will be waiting longer than usual, because the convention was cancelled while we were typing this.

Stadium Concert
That band you like is finally finishing their 2020 tour! Sure you had to pay the TicketMaster fees again to rebook your ticket, but singing along to your tenth favourite song with thousands of unmasked strangers is the best way to distract you from the increasing number of breakthrough cases and – uh oh, is that a new email from TicketMaster? Oh well, you can’t crowd surf on a fourth wave!

The Big Sports Match
Sports should be a safe bet: the seating leaves room for social distancing, the game takes place outside, and the teams can afford to test their players regularly. Sadly, the league doesn’t control the local government’s refusal to mandate vaccine passports, resulting in an upsurge in cases that doctors predict will hit its zenith just in time for this game!

Huge Sale Event at Big Box Store
You missed last year’s Black Friday, and then Amazon Prime Day was cancelled, so you are hungry as heck for deals! You are so ready to risk your health for discount electronics in a completely different way than getting trampled by bargain-hungry boomers. And don’t worry – no chance this gets cancelled, even though their last sale was later designated a super-spreader event.

Beaverton