Liberals promise to make housing affordable for everyday Canadian millionaires
OTTAWA – The Liberal Party have announced their intent to ban foreign home-ownership for two years, ensuring that Canada’s housing stock will be reserved for everyday Canadians with seven figure incomes.
In addition to the foreign ownership ban, the Liberals have also committed to building 1.4 million units to be sold at market value, allowing everyone from doctors to lawyers to purchase a home. And they promised additional tax credits that will allow fierce bidding on what scant few houses are available to drive up prices even further.
“Canada is in a housing affordability crisis,” a Liberal spokesman said. “And we’ll correct the market by building an insufficient number of new homes that will be just as unaffordable as houses are now.”
The plan, which is somehow more conservative than the Conservatives’, includes vague commitments and unrealistic time frames. “Oh, and did I say ‘build’ earlier?” the spokesman added. “We meant repair and remodel. We’ll probably do some building too, but hey, who knows? Is our ban on foreign ownership even legal? Vote for us and we’ll find out together!”
The Liberal’s housing plan has already attracted controversy after it was revealed that Vancouver Granville’s Liberal candidate, Taleeb Noormohamed, made nearly $600,000 from the house flipping that his party will supposedly crack down on.
“Look, a vote for the Liberals is a vote for affordable housing, but also a vote for allowing home values to continue to skyrocket,” Noormohamed said. “We value voters desperate to buy a home AND voters hoping to see the worth of their home continue to climb indefinitely, and I don’t see what’s so confusing about that.”
Other parties have also made their pitches for affordable housing. The NDP has promised a bunch of stuff that sounds great but will never be implemented, the Bloc Quebecois has insisted that all overpriced new homes must look sufficiently secular, and the Green Party is having internal arguments over something Annamie Paul said about houses four years ago.
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