Spirit Halloween Sets Up Shop In Abandoned U.S. Military Bases In Afghanistan

KANDAHAR—Only a few short hours after the last plane left Afghanistan, Spirit Halloween has already taken up residence in deserted military bases throughout the country. 

“Sorry if it seems too soon,” said CEO Samuel Svengoolie, “but this is what we do. We have satellites in space constantly monitoring the surface of the earth for deserted buildings, and we are contractually obligated to immediately move in as soon as they’re empty. This is just what we do.” 

When critics pointed out that Muslims in Afghanistan don’t celebrate Halloween, Svengoolie seemed unconcerned. 

“We’re not really in it for the money. We just get really stoked about taking up residence in abandoned buildings. That’s what really gets us excited.”

For those interested, Afghanistan’s Spirit Halloween stores will sell decorations, masks, costumes, night-vision goggles, and machine guns.